i kind of had a falling out with my mother last week. because of that, i vowed to myself "hinding hindi na ako uuwi." i planned to confront my mother after a 5-day silent treatment.
i called her today. she said i shouldn’t bother going home anymore.
haha. sige lang. keri. sabi ko –> "ok, bayaran mo muna utang mo."
so there.
i was going for a big decision that will change my life. naunahan pa niya ako. bitch.
and i felt that i don’t wanna gome home anymore. nagsimula to last week, nung ondoy. stuck sa bahay buong week. feel ko nasasakal na ako dun. or at least i feel out of place. like i don’t belong there anymore.
and where is my new home? i don’t know.
masama ba akong tao to think of the best in people but not of my mother? kagabi lang i was bitching to reyvan about some irresponsibility regarding a project… i told him, ok lang na sumalo ako ng trabaho, because i can do it. i’m just giving that person a chance to do it, because i think of the best in people. but not my mother.
hindi ko maexplain. am i turning into someone else? i don’t think so. i’ve thought about this since way before college even started. i think nag-start ito nung highschool. ewan basta.
when you call someone "bobo", ibig sabihin, wala siyang capacity to think. pero ang "tanga", hindi marunong mag-isip. argh basta.
nakakabwiset lang kasi ang sitwasyon ko ngayon. and at the same time, i feel guilty because i’m thinking about these kinds of things about my mother! i don’t regret it, kasi medyo may pagka-righteous din ako, so i stick to myself. at least hindi ko iiwan sarili ko na gutom at walang pera at walang pag-asa.
i guess, in the end, we all live alone. we live alone, we die alone. life is the train, not the station. at wala kang kasama.
i think everyone of us will eventually leave the nest and start living on our own.
i’m starting it right now.
shet, i feel scared. i AM scared.
dammit, ang hirap mag-isa.
i really need to get that job. ASAP.
) yet i find the reactions of other people to be OA and just “too much”. all i heard about the shiznit of this event was “oh, poor them, they lost everything” and “kasalanan nila yan, nagtatambak kasi ng basura” or “poor them, poor them”… ARGH!
), despite all the brouhaha on tv or the internet about losing property and all that crap, WE DON’T ACTUALLY CARE!!! WE ARE ALIVE DAMMIT!!! THAT’S SOMETHING ENOUGH TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING!!! take it from us who are actually affected. of course, we might care a bit about losing some stuff, but what the heck, those look very unimportant right now. at least we can still walk and talk and breathe and eat… the appliances and sofas and tvs can’t do that for us! haha.
