saturday bum

just came home from a day spent relaxing and nearly doing nothing.

sipnayan started today. had fun. made me realize what kind of “math major” i am. math major pa nga ba ako? haha. kind of made me doubt myself just a teensie weensie bit. example, for 1 minute,

find the squareroot of (48×49x50×51 -1)

what the heck? haha. nakakabilib nalang talaga yung mga batang nakasagot. bakit ba ako hindi ganyan? in other news, quesci ended up winning 3rd place! woohoo!! saw jireh and other scientians as well.

after that, went to watch mathsayaw and their progress. hope it works out fine by friday.

hmmm. it was really a responsibility-less day. as in. finance was even chill and easy to follow. no quiz. maybe i’ll study the chapter tonight. i don’t know.

argh, i need to start writing meaningful and deep blog entries!!!

break

i’m in the middle of a semi-break this week.

pero maghahakot nalang ako ng gagawin kaagad. para hindi ma-cram.

hoping for at least a 3.0 qpi this sem. mukhang hindi maaabot.

shiz, eto na siguro yung nararamdaman ng mga taong nag-drop sa college. now i understand what they feel.

nakakatakot. ayokong bumagsak.

ay basta. bahala na.

this is the time when i have to lower my expectations but not my standards.

waaaah.

the birthday ‘curse’

i don’t really know what makes it happen, or why it happens, but for as long as i can remember, i’ve always been sick on the week of my birthday. this year, of course, the curse never failed me. i had to spend the week at home, attending classes half the day while retching my guts out in the afternoons. that was my week last week.

it was my birthday last saturday. and, unlike many of those who i know are ***, i really kept quiet about it. it was actually just like any other day to me. my mother didn’t prepare anything because i ask her not to. i don’t really get the hype of birthdays. you get older one year every year, what the fuck is up with that? parang hindi ka na nasanay… it’s the same every fucking year.

nonetheless, my grandmother threw a party on behalf of my birthday celebration earlier this day. half the people i didn’t know. or didn’t like. i just ate my cake, and enjoyed cable tv (because i didn’t have one back in my dorm). got no gifts, just money (yey! may pangkain na ako this week!). left with my family and went home.

i’m still energized from all the cake and ice cream i ate (running fully on sugar i believe). i think i’m gonna study finance later. i hope i do. [ETA: sleepy after finishing this post. won't fight sleep even if i can. see below. tata.]

hay. buhay. hello to another year to moi.

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i had to go to the hospital last week as well. it started with all the headaches and the puking. my mother thought i had a concussion. we rushed to the hospital. for some reason, i ended up having a CT-scan. that was thursday.

saturday was results day. thank you lord for not giving me cancer or brain sickness. the doctor said it was too much stress. argh. this psychosomatic thing is starting to get to me. serious this time.

friday i was a wreck. i was a complete mess. i didn’t know what to think. all i thought about was that i could have cancer or a brain tumor. or something. i thought i would die. come saturday, i decided to live my life healthier. i NEED to start living healthier. no more midnight studying. 10pm sleep curfew.

i’m serious. i was really worried that i could be the end of me. i didn’t want that.

so for as long as i can control it, i would not let myself kill myself. i would take care of myself now.

i have to fix my life. while i still can.

proud mama; busy bee

date of birth: June 19 2009.

baby’s growing up so much

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still busy. no sleep tonight. philo orals in the morning. 7am. argh.

still sick. last big req this week is the orals. once done, i can finally sleep. whoopee.

maybe i’ll post my reflections here later.

tata.

august

is turning out to be the worst month of 2009 so far.

hell week. twice. one finished, another one coming up next week.

today is wednesday = break, thursday hell, friday study hell, saturday more acads hell + some org surprises, sunday hell, monday LT, tuesday paper, wednesday midterms, thursday LT, friday orals, saturday test, sunday REST!!! WAH HELL WEEK!

goodbye birthday rest and anticipation.

just watched TTW>>> WATDAFAK! they changed the ending! it’s supposed to be heartbreaking and full of angst!!! argh!!! nevertheless, i still cried. wahaha. proves my craziness – this day was supposed to be a relaxing day. what did i do? depress myself.

i miss highschool. ngayon ko lang naisip na, oo nga, highschool days are the best days of your life. sana after some time, hindi na ganito ang tingin ko sa buhay ko.

nakakadepress ang dorm life. always lonely. puro nalang trabaho. i miss my sisters. i miss mama.

argh. i nearly lost my mother’s ring. buti nalang nakita ko. thank You po Lord.

wah.

where are my reflections? wala pa akong time para magsulat!

eto small tidbit:

who are your friends? how do you define friendship? how do you develop friendships? how do you break them?

i did something that resulted into a friendship broken.

i’m still depressing myself.

ina-isolate ko nga sarili ko eh. ay basta.

sometimes when you are wounded, or when you wounded someone, isn’t that what you do? hide?

philo quote of the day: to have a friend is not to have a friend, but to be a friend.

need to study. bye.

“God save me from my friends – I can protect myself from my enemies.” Anonymous Proverb